


Just Purrfect Enwoof

by RyftWyrd



Series: Noodlepocalypse [7]
Category: Undertale
Genre: Angst, Gen, He needs three fluffy friends to help him through it, Hurt/Comfort, Papyrus is dead, Sans is bad at processing grief, That one route where the Annoying Dog is president, The cat is probably just a cat, reader is sans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 05:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19900315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyftWyrd/pseuds/RyftWyrd
Summary: In which Sans suffers but pretends he's totally fine.





	Just Purrfect Enwoof

You love your job.

Really, you do.

You get lost in the mountains of paperwork: complaints, requests, other political stuff. You like getting lost. It’s a better way to drown your memories than alcohol, which is getting scarce anyway.

Your boss is an okay guy. He lets you do your job how you want, when you want. And he does his own thing, which you respect. This mainly involves napping on the throne, and sometimes you’ll join him and then it’s a fluffy pile of bones and fur and cloth. Sometimes the intern Temmie will join the cuddle pile, done with college for the day. Then it’s a pile of fluff, bones, and more fluff. 

Doggo reports to the president—whom you have dubbed ‘Wolfnbark’ (Woofy for short) and nobody seems to mind—one day that a human has emerged from the Ruins. Your grin is a facade, still the same on the outside, but a seething beast claws at your chest. 

You ask where the human is and Doggo tells you. Woofy yaps, _Bring them to me._ You wave a hand and ‘translate’ that he wants a regiment to kill the human and bring its soul. He growls. You pet his head and he glares at you for a moment before leaning into your hand.

It won’t be the same human. You know that. That human will never come back. At least, not this way. 

It’s been two weeks since they fell and left the Underground in chaos with the sudden loss of the most important people. Your most important people… 

Doggo returns later that night with an orange soul and a cat. The soul you were expecting. But what are you supposed to do with a cat? 

It’s a soft and fluffy greyish blue color, with amber eyes that look serenely around the room. Doggo wants to use it for guard practice. You pause, the mental image of the cat being chased around by a bunch of dogs rather amusing. Then you reach out to touch it and it-

It growls. Low and deep as your hand touches its head. The rumble sets something off in your chest, a feeling you haven’t felt since-

He was a babybones and trying to summon his special attack; he was so excited when he managed to do it for a couple of seconds, but then he fell, exhausted from the strain and you tried to help him up but he-

Growled, rattling his bones. “I CAN DO IT!” He said. And then he summoned it again and had it help him to his feet. Heh… he always was the best… 

“we’re keeping it.” 

Doggo hands the cat to you and leaves, his tail drooping. You pet the cat absently and it continues to make that weird growl noise, not stopping for a second. 

“huh.” 

You think you remember what that sound is called. Catty does it when she’s within three square meters of Bratty’s proximity… she says it’s purring. 

“you must be purrty happy.” 

The cat stops purring and gives you a look. _Classic Sans…_

“actually it’s comic sans.” 

Its ears flick back for a moment, disconcerted. _You can hear me?_

“depends. could just be in my head.” 

The cat meows, “Rreow”. You tuck it in your hoodie and it seems happy to curl up there against your ribcage. “girl or boy?” You can’t keep calling the cat ‘it’.

The cat doesn’t answer. 

“neither?”

Claws poke at your ribs. Sadness, anger, regret. The emotions come off of the cat in waves. 

“okay.” Bit too much projection there. 

Papyrus told you he was neither as soon as he was old enough to understand what gender was. You asked him what pronouns he wanted and he said “SANS’S!!” So he/him they were. 

“already have a dog… now a cat… mind she/her?” 

“Mrow.” _Whatever._

“okay then.” 

She starts to purr again. You enter the throne room and the purring stops with a choked sort of noise. Woofy is on the throne, sleeping on his back. You walk up to him, the cat tense against your ribcage. “this’s just our prez, woofy.”

Woofy peeks open an eye, then yawns. Then falls back asleep. You collapse on the throne beside him, melting into the cushions. 

The cat leaps out of your coat and noses around the room. Then returns, warily glancing at the dog, and curls up on your chest, purring softly. 

Temmie enters later when the light has faded from the holes in the ceiling and drops her groceries on a bare patch of ground. “Tem VER hAPp!” She crows, waking Woofy who twitches his ears and yaps. “CoLLEg VEr gud!” The cat stretches and leaps off you to sniff at the boxes of tem flakes.

“had fun, huh?” 

Tem nods, the excitement of the movement flopping both pairs of ears over her face. Then she notices the cat and her eyes widen till they look like they could vibrate right off her face. “iS bAB teMMiY??” 

“yup. she’s all yours.” 

“NAm hEr Mouser.” The last word is said with perfect composure, a counterpoint to the rest of the sentence. You’re suddenly unsure whether her wide-eyed vibrations were of happiness or otherwise. 

Mouser mrows and chews on a corner of one of the tem flake boxes. “mouser, huh?” You muse. “meowser.”

Tem glares at you and Woofy shakes his head violently, whacking you with his tail. “Yes, Sans. Meowser. Very funny.” 

_I like it_. Meowser flicks her tail.

You start to drop another pun, but then realize Tem just spoke normally. She’s not happy with you. “hey, what’s up with my favorite punny buddy?” You ask. 

Tem grins, wide yet it’s quite obviously fake. “nuTHIng!” You let it go in favor of petting Woofy’s head. 

The days pass. Meowser spends most of her time napping on the throne with Woofy, who doesn’t seem to mind, and then randomly races around the castle like she’s demon-possessed. It definitely doesn’t remind you of little feet pounding on the apartment floor, and a motherly voice scolding the rambunctious rascal. The ache in your soul is hunger, not sadness. 

So you go to the shared kitchen and make yourself a sandwich. It needs ketchup, but the Underground has been out of that for two weeks now. It tastes dull and dry as your magic breaks it apart and absorbs it. But the ache in your soul only grows heavier. 

“Mrow,” Meowser hops up on the counter and bumps her soft head against your cheek. She’s soaked. You don’t think you want to know why. _Jerry threw me in a waterfall_. Her tail lashes angrily but she continues to press her head against you, rubbing the wet fur of her neck and head all over your cheeks and shoulders. You don’t really mind, though, since she’s taking care to not touch his scarf wrapped around your neck. 

You pick her up and carry her to the throne room. Woofy yawns from his napping place on the throne and then starts to lick Meowser when you set the cat down beside him. Meowser flattens her ears but submits to being cleaned. 

Temmie returns every night to join the fluffpile on the throne. She’s still not happy with you but you can’t figure out why. Whenever you think of trying to confront her about it, though, you’re filled with apathy. Meowser tends to race about the castle when you and the other two are trying to sleep. You’re not entirely sure that Meowser isn’t avoiding Tem. 

“Sans.” Tem confronts you finally. 

“yeah?” You yawn and pour a generous amount of imaginary ketchup into your mouth. 

“What about the soul?” 

You jolt a bit, startled. “u-uh… what about it?” 

“You are the most capable here. Take the soul and free us.” 

You know what she means, but you still try to avoid it. “y’know it takes seven, right?” 

Temmie’s fur fluffs up. “I know, Sans. But it only takes _one_ for one monster to go out and get six more.” 

“it’s kinda creepy how you’re talking.” 

She glares at you. “WUld pefurr I spek 2 U liek IDIOT??” A tear slips down her cheek. “I lost friends too!” 

“he was my _brother._ ” You hiss, inexplicably filled with rage. Your fists clench in your hoodie pockets and your sockets burn.

“Rrrhr.” Almost like water seeping out from a leaking bucket, your fury is siphoned away by the soft furry body rubbing against your skull. _I’m sorry, Sans._ Meowser purrs against you and you absently unclench a hand to pet her. 

Temmie shakes her head as though fighting off thought-demons. “I suppose we have time.” She says. “But if you don’t, Sans, I will.” 

“sure, go for it.” You say, dead inside, yet petting the cat is soothing. 

You lose track of time. _Tem_. Heh. It could be days, weeks, even months that pass and you’re dead to it all, lost in the minutia of running a kingdom, lost in the lazy fluff piles on the throne, which Temmie never joins anymore. Woofy wants to take a walk around the kingdom one day, but something in your chest clenches so you smile and pretend he asked for a sandwich. 

There’s no food in the kitchen. You stare at the empty fridge, _void of spaghetti, void of ketchup, void of that oatmeal with the dinosaur eggs in it._ And something cold runs down your cheekbone. Woofy nuzzles your hand. “uh. maybe there’s something tem hid in the counter.” You say, but you know it’s futile. So that’s Tem’s plan, huh. Starve you out. Force you to go out and see the people suffering in the cavern, see everyone losing hope. 

There’s a knife on the counter. It’s pretty sharp. Would do the job. Woofy wouldn’t approve. You stare at it. Meowser wouldn’t approve. The knife shivers in your vision as your hand wraps around the grip. Tem wouldn’t approve. You take a deep breath and let go of the knife, then turn and walk out. 

Doggo passes you. That’s weird, he wasn’t supposed to report until tomorrow. You stop him with a hand on his shoulder. “hey, bud.” 

“O-oh, hey, Sans.” Doggo frowns. You remain still, despite knowing it annoys him. “The human is taken care of, there’s nothing to worry about.” 

“good dog.” You say, hiding your surprise. “i’d give you a treat but we’re fresh out.” 

Doggo wags his tail, pleased. “That’s okay, Sans, the two kitties already gave me some!” 

You continue to grin. Woofy yaps beside you. Doggo salutes and leaves. “shall we?” You ask Woofy. He yaps again. You start for the throne room. 

Tem and Meowser lounge on the throne, and they don’t even look up when you enter. Woofy leaps up beside them and barks at Meowser, who gives him a disgruntled look before grooming her paw. “hey, temmie.” You say cheerfully. “just saw doggo. guess what he told me.” 

Temmie yawns in disdain. “Sans, if you want the souls, all you have to do is ask nicely.” 

“heh, souls? nah. i'm talking about the treats. the kitchen is empty, tem, and i can tell what you're tryna do, but it isn't gonna work." You blackout your eyelights and tighten your grin. "hand the food over. you don't mess with a guy's ketchup." 

Temmie glares at you. "No." 

"you really don't want to do this, tem, buddy, pal." You say and you're not really sure how far you're willing to go, but nobody gets in the way of a skeleton and his foo-

_"HAND IT OVER!" Papyrus stomped his foot on the creaky floor and his sockets glowed purple and orange. "NOBODY GETS IN THE WAY OF-"_

"Rrahrr." 

"Rrf!"

"SNAS!" 

You open your eyes to see the green stems of flowers crossing horizontally in your vision. Weird. Did they grow suddenly from the walls? Wait. No. You're just on the ground. Heh. It's a comfy place to be. Maybe you should just let yourself... fall down... 

Three fluffy bodies shove you so that your face is up in the air, resting against the throne. Three voices chatter and force you to stay awake. "P-Papyrus...?" You ask, seeing the child race around amongst the flowers, _"DUBDEE, LOOKIE, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!"_ "not now, paps..." 

"He's gone, Sans." 

"Rrrhrow," _We're sorry, he's dead._

"Wuff!" _Nobody can replace him._

_"I SHALL CAPTURE THE HUMAN, AND THEN I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED, FAME, FRIENDS, I SHALL BE LOVED BY ALL!!"_

"you didn't come back, bro. why... why didn't you come back?" Wet heat runs down your cheekbones. A warm rough tongue laps at your skull. 

_"DON'T WORRY, SANS, I WON'T ABANDON YOU!! FAME AND FRIENDS COULD NEVER MAKE ME FORGET MY FAMILY!!"_

"you- you're a fucking liar, bro. ya call this 'not abandoning me'?? seriously??" You huff a bit in painful amusement. "i thought i was all you needed. you said i was all you needed." 

The warm bodies around you snuggle closer. 

"but- you faced the human- and now you're gone." The words fall flat in the soft golden air. Something with the scent of cinnamon is shoved in front of your face.

"Eets!!" Tem shrieks. "Eets, den toks!" 

You chomp on the warm cinnabunny. It's slightly moist from the stuff leaking from your eyes, but it's good. It's still good. You become aware of Meowser on your ribcage, purring, and Woofy belly-up under your arm. Tem feeds you another cinnabunny and you feel a bit better. 

"you guys..." you start, then choke on the words. 

"No talking." Temmie repeats. "Just rest. I- I apologize, Sans. I shouldn't have pushed you. I will take responsibility for the souls." 

"no." You say sharply, not certain why. "i- i need to." 

"Both, then." She says. "There's two. I'll come with." 

"smart kid." You mumble, forcing yourself to not think of Papyrus as you say it. Nobody mentions your breakdown. You're grateful for that. 

When Temmie takes out the souls, with Meowser and Wolfnbark watching, you look around at them and feel a softness in your chest. There's still pain there, pain you're not ready to deal with. But while these friends may never replace Papyrus, they've become a different sort of family. And eventually, maybe, on the surface, under the stars, with your broken but growing family, you can heal and remember him the way he'd want to be remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> been working on and off on this for a bit, but I'm not gonna revise it at all, even though it might be too fast-paced and slightly OOC.


End file.
